The Hard Truth About DEI: Are We Reaching Anyone Outside the Choir?

The LinkedIn Exchange

It happens almost every time. Someone posts a defense of or promotion for diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) on LinkedIn. Then, a single commenter—sometimes rude, sometimes ignorant, sometimes both—offers a different opinion. Without fail, the replies flood in from the pro-DEI crowd, aiming to dismantle the dissenter’s viewpoint.

If I expand the comments, I can predict what I’ll see: attacks, ridicule, and dismissal. The pro-DEI voices, filled with righteous anger, band together to respond. And while I understand the frustration behind those responses, I can’t help but wonder—what do we think we’re achieving by responding this way?

The Problem: The Cycle of Conflict

As someone deeply committed to anti-racism, social justice, and DEI work, I get it. Many in this space, myself included, are tired. We’ve spent years facing opposition, dismissiveness, and outright bigotry. The anger is valid. The exhaustion is real.

But here’s the hard truth: when we respond to differing viewpoints with automatic attacks—whether or not they’re warranted—we’re not educating anyone. We’re not changing minds. We’re not moving the needle. Instead, we’re validating their fears and solidifying their opposition. The person on the receiving end of those comments isn’t going to walk away feeling enlightened. They’ll walk away more entrenched in their beliefs, more resentful of DEI, and more resistant to change.

So, again, I ask: what are we accomplishing?

A Conversation That Changed My Perspective

In 2005, I found myself in an AOL chat with a man named Riley—a self-proclaimed Nazi who openly expressed hatred for Black and Jewish people. It was a conversation I could have exited at any point, but something compelled me to stay. Not to condone his views, but to engage, challenge, and understand. What followed was one of the most disturbing yet enlightening exchanges of my life.

Riley’s words were filled with vitriol:

“Blacks are like cockroaches.”
“Jews are parasites to this world.”

Each statement hit me like a punch, not just because of their cruelty but because they were delivered with such casual conviction. At one point, he told me he could never change his mind about his hatred, yet admitted:

“Hate can burn you up.”

I pressed on, questioning the foundations of his beliefs. Why dedicate his life to hate? Why waste his energy on destruction instead of building something positive? His response:

“Because it’s human nature to hate.”

By the end of the conversation, I knew I hadn’t changed Riley’s mind. His worldview was too deeply ingrained, too bolstered by years of confirmation bias. But I walked away from that chat back in 2005 more certain than ever of one thing: the work of DEI cannot stop at simply defending diversity—it must seek to understand and address the roots of resistance.

Introducing Relational DEI: Moving Beyond the Battle

If DEI is just about the fight—if our goal is simply to win arguments and call out injustice publicly—then we’ve lost sight of its purpose. DEI work is about transformation. It’s about fostering awareness, building bridges, and embedding principles of diversity, equity, and inclusion into workplaces and communities.

That doesn’t mean ignoring bigotry or tolerating ignorance. It means finding ways to engage people—yes, even the ones who challenge us—in meaningful dialogue. It means showing up with the courage to move beyond anger and toward connection. Because here’s the reality: the people who disagree with us are not some distant “other.” They are our coworkers, our neighbors, our community members. They are the very people we need to reach to make DEI a reality.

What Are We Fighting For?

If the goal of DEI is change—real, lasting change—then we need to shift how we approach these interactions. We must ask ourselves: What do we truly want to achieve? Are we in this for the fight, or are we in it for the impact? Are we willing to do the hard work of learning how to reach people outside the pro-DEI choir, or will we continue preaching only to those who already agree with us?

Relational DEI is about choosing connection over conflict. It’s about recognizing that education, dialogue, and understanding—not anger or ridicule—are the tools that create change. This work is not easy. It requires patience, humility, and a willingness to engage with perspectives we find uncomfortable. But if we want DEI to succeed, it’s the work we must commit to.

A Call to Action: Rethinking Our Approach

The next time you find yourself in one of those LinkedIn comment threads, ask yourself: What’s my goal here? Am I responding to educate or to “win”? Am I opening the door to dialogue, or am I slamming it shut?

DEI isn’t just about what we stand against—it’s about what we stand for. It’s about the world we’re trying to build, one interaction at a time. Let’s make sure our actions reflect that vision.